Tuesday, Ron Ron was unable to make it out to Team Club, so ASD and DG decided instead they would take a cheeky trip out to the lake and cruise on DG's boat. ASD started the trip off driving, to a soundtrack of freestyle Jazz blaring from the car's radio. But she simply couldn't satiate DG's desires for speed.
In a huff, DG smoked roughly three millimeters of a cigarette and demanded that ASD pull over and let him drive. DG had the car in third gear before it even started moving, and ASD desperately buckled her seat belt as DG set a new land speed record on the final stretch leading towards the docks.
A distant figure appeared in the middle of the road, DG was enraged. The audacity of some punk just standing around in the middle of the street, DG had one thing on his mind, and it was cold blooded autocide. As the car neared the figure, the figure remained unwavering, staring death in the face. Reluctantly DG slammed on the breaks and the car skidded to a halt inches from Team Club's own Senior Senior. Senior Senior was apparently out on a day hike, and so he decided to tag along with ASD and DG. Before long, the three amigos set sail on a high seas adventure of epic proportions.
It wasn't long before tensions began to mount. Senior Senior admitted that he didn't know much about sailing, but DG was quick to put him in his place. DG announced that he was the skipper of the vessle, and only one skipper could be found on this ship, and Senior Senior had better recognize. Senior Senior responded by climbing to the top of a mast with ease. DG, one for a competition, saw this as a challenge and it was on.
TEAM CLUB NAUTICAL OLYMPICS
(Round 1) Boat driving.
Growing up on the east coast, DG managed to maneuver the boat like a pro. Tacking across the lake with expert precision. When it was Senior Senior's turn, he had the vessel rattling and churning withing half a second of touching the tiller.
***Senior Senior laid on the deck like Jesus for a while... hmmmmm
(Round 2) Time telling.
Senior Senior looked at his finger for a while and declared that it was 12:00. DG looked at his watch and said that it was actually 12:20. ASD pointed out that Senior Senior didn't have a watch, DG still wasn't impressed.
(Round 3) Pot holding.
Senior Senior mocked DG for using an invention. Even though inventions are awesome, but Senior Senior was unrelenting. So DG challenged Senior Senior to hold the hot soup pot in his bare hands. Senior Senior grabbed the scalding hot pot and held it his bare hands, refusing to sucumb to the searing pain. For what seemed like ten minutes he held that damn pot. Finally, ASD tried to pry it from his hands, but she dropped it on the floor, and Senior Senior scolded her for her efforts.
*** As skipper of the boat, DG implements a new rule, no whistling.
(Round 4) Endurance match: Pulling a boat through high grass.
Both men dragged the boat through tall grass as ASD catches some rays in her trademark white bikini. Senior Senior complains about having to do this competition, and when ASD tries to relieve him of his duties, Senior Senior takes it to the next level and single-handedly pulls the boat, leaving DG scrambling to catch up.
*** DG wastes no time in breaking his own rule and whistling.
(Round 5) Knife play
Senior Senior is known for his handiness with a blade, and he never goes anywhere without his trusty side-knife. It makes a really loud 'ka-chink' noise when he opens it, and it's so big it is almost considered a novelty weapon of sorts. Often Senior Senior passes time by stabbing it between his fingers. He's pretty good at it, and DG asked if he could give it a try. DG doesn't seem to mind the fact that this involves stabbing his precious boat. He wasn't so good at it either. The two men shared a rare homo-moment on the deck of the boat, as Senior Senior gently cradled DG's hand for a moment as he taught him the ways of the blade.
At this point Senior Senior had had his fill of sailing and requested that they return home. DG and ASD however had no intentions of going back. Senior Senior decided that he would be the new skipper of the boat, grabbed an oar and began paddling towards shore. But not so fast, DG tilled the boat so it would only travel in circles, and he and ASD laughed at Senior Senior's futile attempts to paddle towards shore.
This enraged Senior Senior. He threw the paddle into the water. 'Jump in!' demanded DG. But Senior Senior refused, admitting that he couldn't swim. ASD to the rescue, she jumped in and grabbed the oar, and then asked for her inflatable crocodile so she could go for a swim. DG joined her. Senior Senior ceased a moment and high jacked the boat and ultimately ran it ashore in shallow water.
(Synthetic) Rain started and the three decided to retreat inside for some more fun. ASD shamelessly undressed infront of the fellas, but DG was too distracted by a radio broadcast boxing event to notice. DG smoked some weed and poured everyone some booze, then settled in for a game of Jazz Sticks. At one point Senior Senior threw his knife at a wall. DG tries to do the same but sort of fails. He hit the wall, but he didn't look as cool doing it. Senior Senior woos ASD with some poetry, ASD sings Senior Senior a song. This reminds DG of the story of the greatest Jazz Sticks player he's ever met. And as he starts to tell it, Senior Senior falls asleep instantly. Saddened, DG sets the alarm for 5 AM and calls it a night.
The next morning, shit goes mental. Senior Senior asks if anyone has seen his knife, DG responds 'Yeah, I got it'. Senior Senior asks for it, and DG throws it into the water. That just aint gonna fly, so Senior Senior attacks DG. DG ultimately punches Senior Senior so hard that he slides along the entire surface of the boat and into the water only to drown. ASD is horrified! Senior Senior can't swim, and he refused to wear a life jacket because it 'chafed his nips'.
After a brief search and rescue attempt, ASD calls DG a murder. DG is fine with that, so fine with it, he has decided to swim to the police station and turn himself in. And he's off. Now ASD is alone on the boat, and does what any woman would do when she's all alone and has just witnessed a murder. She strips down naked and hangs out. What she doesn't know, is that Senior Senior can swim just fine, and he was playing a prank. He catches a sneak peak of ASD in the buff, they get real and they get it on.
And then, as swiftly as he came, he is off, Senior Senior makes his trademark log-roller exit, twirling down white water, that's how Senior Senior learned to step lightly.
When ASD finally arrived back at the car, DG was hanging out in his banana hammock. Apparently he wasn't going to the cops after all. ASD lets him in on Senior Senior's little prank, DG is unimpressed. But alas, nothing can stop Team Club.
Next week, they're all gonna be there (except Ron Ron) and DG is going to start off Round 3.
AND THAT my friends, is the story of Team Club's Team Club Holdiday Party Round 1. (minus Ron Ron) Much love everyone.
1 comment:
It's all there. Incredible.
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